The Therapeutic Effect of Mastering Your Sport:
It was the America's Cup Final competition of February 2004, and I was topping off 5 straight weekends of awesome racing that were my reward for digging myself out of the hole of overtraining. Over the past month, I had figured out the proper strategy and skating efficiency for the 1000 meters -a race I rarely had the opportunity to skate- at a couple of outdoor events in Italy. My times in those outdoor races had unexpectedly approached my all-time personal best. As I came to the starting line of my America's Cup 1000 meters, I was excited to try this race on the super-fast Salt Lake City ice.
The race went like a dream, and I came through the finish line carrying a ton of speed and barely feeling the effort. Still, looking up at the leader board for my result, I was stunned to see 1:18.53. This time was 3.3 seconds faster than I had ever gone.
Then, when I coasted around to the backstretch, I saw him: The Mean Old Man from Minnesota, who had brought several of his skaters to Salt Lake City for the competition. In a posture that seemed greatly exaggerated, he had his nose buried so deeply in the pairs sheet that he didn't even look up when other skaters glided past him on the warmup lane. Could it be that he had really forgotten which of his young skaters was coming up in the next race, or was he just trying as hard as he could to block some unsavory sight from his field of vision?
Looking up again at the leader board, which was now to our immediate right, I saw my name next to the Time To Beat - and what a time it was! It was a faster time than a couple of the American women who were away in Europe at World Cups had skated all season.
I began to laugh as I coasted by the man from Minnesota, and I joked to myself, "How's that for no-talent, old man?"
You know the feeling you get when you're watching CNN, and you see an elderly former S.S. officer led across the screen in handcuffs after a raid on his newly discovered hideout in Argentina? It's a sort of stab of pity (which, for me, lasted exactly 0.26 second) followed by a slow, calming sense that all is right with the world and he will finally get what he deserves? That is the feeling I got as I watched Bill Cushman attempt to erase the fact that Eva Rodansky is a good speedskater.
The revenge that is possible in metric speedskating is truly the vengeance of the civilized technological world. The leader board would light up with my results for all to see, contradicting the hypothesis that I was a no-talent. All I needed in order to make my point and to keep banging them over the head with the club of regret was to keep coming back and keep skating fast. I would make them see that the things that can be done to an insecure 17-year-old whose parents don't want her to be a speedskater can no longer be done to an adult in her late 20's who knows she is right.
I thanked God for letting me live long enough to see how weak my enemies really are -- to find that their last remaining power over me was to pretend that the fast race I just skated never really happened.
---
Achieving control over one's sports performance is important not only in terms of defying the low expectations of others, but also in building one's own self-confidence. For someone who has struggled with the demons of self-loathing as I did in college, finding success in speedskating has been critical. My mom used to try to convince me of the futility of my pursuit by saying, "Even if you win one gold medal, it won't be enough for you. You will always want more." I'm so glad I came back to skating in order to prove to myself that this is not the case.
My accomplishments in speedskating have made me a stronger person and have improved my outlook on the world and life in general. Though I wasn't the World's Best Women's 10K skater this season, I was the previous season, and that can never be taken from me. Though I don't currently hold the American Record in the women's 10K, there were 5 days when I did, and that will always remain with me in some way. I've competed internationally on the world cup circuit, and I've been on the podium in the B Group 4 times.
All these achievements are so much sweeter to me because they were unthinkable to the suicidal grad student that was me about 5-6 years ago. They are the bricks from which I have built a strong foundation of self-confidence, and they are the reason why I can now look at pictures of myself from the time when I was at my weakest without fear that I will slip back into the person I was then. I am WINNING the race against myself.
---
Throughout my comeback, I have also learned a little about the language of sports politics. In this world where "A" does not equal "A", "No-Talent" equals "Threat." I am honored that Cushman Senior considered me a threat to the 2002 Olympic Team chances of his Minnesota girls and that, in labeling me a no-talent troublemaker in front of the entire speedskating federation, it was his intention to plow the road for them.
One of the most helpful things for me has been to hear the opinions of a few world-class speedskating coaches on my potential in this sport. In recent years, I have had the privilege of hearing that Boris Vasilkovsky, Kostya Poltoviets (sp?) and Peter Mueller all think that I have the ability to make it to the top. Knowing this makes me wonder why I was ever foolish enough to pay any attention to the words of some club coach from Minnesota.
It was the America's Cup Final competition of February 2004, and I was topping off 5 straight weekends of awesome racing that were my reward for digging myself out of the hole of overtraining. Over the past month, I had figured out the proper strategy and skating efficiency for the 1000 meters -a race I rarely had the opportunity to skate- at a couple of outdoor events in Italy. My times in those outdoor races had unexpectedly approached my all-time personal best. As I came to the starting line of my America's Cup 1000 meters, I was excited to try this race on the super-fast Salt Lake City ice.
The race went like a dream, and I came through the finish line carrying a ton of speed and barely feeling the effort. Still, looking up at the leader board for my result, I was stunned to see 1:18.53. This time was 3.3 seconds faster than I had ever gone.
Then, when I coasted around to the backstretch, I saw him: The Mean Old Man from Minnesota, who had brought several of his skaters to Salt Lake City for the competition. In a posture that seemed greatly exaggerated, he had his nose buried so deeply in the pairs sheet that he didn't even look up when other skaters glided past him on the warmup lane. Could it be that he had really forgotten which of his young skaters was coming up in the next race, or was he just trying as hard as he could to block some unsavory sight from his field of vision?
Looking up again at the leader board, which was now to our immediate right, I saw my name next to the Time To Beat - and what a time it was! It was a faster time than a couple of the American women who were away in Europe at World Cups had skated all season.
I began to laugh as I coasted by the man from Minnesota, and I joked to myself, "How's that for no-talent, old man?"
You know the feeling you get when you're watching CNN, and you see an elderly former S.S. officer led across the screen in handcuffs after a raid on his newly discovered hideout in Argentina? It's a sort of stab of pity (which, for me, lasted exactly 0.26 second) followed by a slow, calming sense that all is right with the world and he will finally get what he deserves? That is the feeling I got as I watched Bill Cushman attempt to erase the fact that Eva Rodansky is a good speedskater.
The revenge that is possible in metric speedskating is truly the vengeance of the civilized technological world. The leader board would light up with my results for all to see, contradicting the hypothesis that I was a no-talent. All I needed in order to make my point and to keep banging them over the head with the club of regret was to keep coming back and keep skating fast. I would make them see that the things that can be done to an insecure 17-year-old whose parents don't want her to be a speedskater can no longer be done to an adult in her late 20's who knows she is right.
I thanked God for letting me live long enough to see how weak my enemies really are -- to find that their last remaining power over me was to pretend that the fast race I just skated never really happened.
---
Achieving control over one's sports performance is important not only in terms of defying the low expectations of others, but also in building one's own self-confidence. For someone who has struggled with the demons of self-loathing as I did in college, finding success in speedskating has been critical. My mom used to try to convince me of the futility of my pursuit by saying, "Even if you win one gold medal, it won't be enough for you. You will always want more." I'm so glad I came back to skating in order to prove to myself that this is not the case.
My accomplishments in speedskating have made me a stronger person and have improved my outlook on the world and life in general. Though I wasn't the World's Best Women's 10K skater this season, I was the previous season, and that can never be taken from me. Though I don't currently hold the American Record in the women's 10K, there were 5 days when I did, and that will always remain with me in some way. I've competed internationally on the world cup circuit, and I've been on the podium in the B Group 4 times.
All these achievements are so much sweeter to me because they were unthinkable to the suicidal grad student that was me about 5-6 years ago. They are the bricks from which I have built a strong foundation of self-confidence, and they are the reason why I can now look at pictures of myself from the time when I was at my weakest without fear that I will slip back into the person I was then. I am WINNING the race against myself.
---
Throughout my comeback, I have also learned a little about the language of sports politics. In this world where "A" does not equal "A", "No-Talent" equals "Threat." I am honored that Cushman Senior considered me a threat to the 2002 Olympic Team chances of his Minnesota girls and that, in labeling me a no-talent troublemaker in front of the entire speedskating federation, it was his intention to plow the road for them.
One of the most helpful things for me has been to hear the opinions of a few world-class speedskating coaches on my potential in this sport. In recent years, I have had the privilege of hearing that Boris Vasilkovsky, Kostya Poltoviets (sp?) and Peter Mueller all think that I have the ability to make it to the top. Knowing this makes me wonder why I was ever foolish enough to pay any attention to the words of some club coach from Minnesota.
posted by Eva at 8:07 AM
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