This Mad Blogger has been Compared to Al Qaeda!
I had an interesting conversation with my friend and High 5 teammate Andrew Love today, as we were hiking up the Mill B trail in Big Cottonwood Canyon. He started by making some interesting points about the USA's problems in the Middle East. Andrew said, "It's not that Al Qaeda is wrong in the things for which they criticize America. They have a point. It's just that THEY OFFER NO ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION and will therefore never win over people's hearts and minds."
(Andrew? Are you trying to tell me something?) Yes. Actually, Andrew is challenging me to do more with this blog than just to spew rage and bitterness! As a friend, he is concerned that people who read The Protocol may not get the full picture; that my blog only gives a one-sided, angry view of me.
Like Al Qaeda complaining about some of the US's foreign policies, I know I make some good points about the problems within US Speedskating. No one will tell me I'm wrong to be upset because I was blackballed, or was used as a negative control in an overtraining experiment, or because of unnecessary financial hardships due to poor business decisions on the part of USS. But I know I seem to come off as very bitter and angry all of the time. Why is this, and how much is too much?
I guess I've sort of built my blogging persona as this "angry, funny, smart girl" who has to fight everyone for the right to the life she wants. This is my artistic expression. It is my creative outlet - with "outlet" being the key word!
Some people wonder how I can survive, carrying around so much rage. Won't it burn me up inside? Won't it have a negative effect on my competitions? I've actually found, over the past season, that my blogging and my race results seem to feed off each other. For some reason, I skate my best when I am being myself. And, perhaps unfortunately, I am motivated by my own rage.
I'll admit that many of my experiences in this sport have made me pretty cynical and negative- to the point where I almost always see the glass as half-empty. On my blog, I rarely talk about the positive things that happen, or the people who have helped me along the way.
Returning to the theme of terrorism: Back in January of 2001, when I crammed everything I owned into my little Pontiac and left my apartment in Monrovia, California, I really was a "conspiracy of one." Even my mom said so! I had no coaching situation set up, no idea where I'd be living, and the Utah Olympic Oval wasn't even open yet. I spent my first 3 weeks skating alone in Butte, Montana.
But this is no longer a conspiracy of one. Though my training situation has been far from ideal, I've met many people along the way without whom things would have been much harder. So I haven't had a great deal of support from my federation and haven't been able to find a sponsor; I did manage to have a reasonably flexible research job with Genta for just over 2 years. So it took me 4 tries to find a coach and program that work for me; I found them eventually, didn't I? I should be grateful for all the things that worked out, and for all the great friends I have made.
Is it true that, like Al Qaeda, I offer no alternative solutions, but only preach hate and destruction? First, I'd like to say that in a federation like USS, where so much is going wrong but they think they can just scab over the problems with the purity of the sport and the image of certain athletes, my over-the-top ranting may play a necessary role in bringing issues to the forefront. For example, after I talked about how Tom Cushman admitted to trashing the season of half our team for the purpose of data collection, USS was forced to re-evaluate how they use the data they collect on their athletes, agreeing that it should be used for the benefit of each individual's performance.
In other aspects of the sport, I think I have offered some alternative solutions. I suggested that US Speedskating should not be afraid of hiring a good, experienced marketing director and allowing them to make the amount of money that they're worth. This is a win-win situation. Andrew Love suggests looking at what is being done in other sports. For example, the US skeleton federation hired a good head hunter, told him he could make HALF OF WHAT HE FOUND FOR THEM, and he got them $5 million.
A lot of people agree that it was right for me to suggest that the FAST Program should look for sponsorship.
And, finally, my own team - High 5- intends to be a sort of "pilot program" that leads by example and shows the speedskating community what can be done by an outside, independent team. It's amazing to me that the catalyst for the starting of this team was the successful season that I was able to pull off last year after training with Boris Leikin.
So, am I really a terrorist? Andrew seems to be convinced that I can be a nice girl if I try...
I realize that there are things that happen to people in their lives that are far worse than what happened to me in speedskating. Is the whole issue just my inability to leave the past behind, or is it a little more complicated?
As I told Andrew today, "When I first left home to train for long track in 1993, I wanted to be Bonnie Blair. When I came back to the sport in 2001, I wanted to be a terrorist!" Something happened to make this good girl go bad.
To some extent, US Speedskating deserves to deal with the fallout of my rage, and to be held accountable for its actions. So many things remain the same within this organization, and I know this because I gave it another chance when I joined their National Allround Team in 2003.
As of today, I feel that my experience in speedskating is predominantly positive because of the truths I have uncovered through the obstacles that I have had to overcome. I've needed all of these years to see the situation clearly and to make judgments so that I could move forward. Helping to develop the High 5 team, rather than feeling like I'm forced to compromise by joining one of the existing programs, has allowed me to take control of my own destiny in this sport.
Somewhere along the way, I have made the transition from "terrorist" to "hopeless case" to a "REAL ATHLETE." I know this is true, but it doesn't always come out in my blog posts.
I had an interesting conversation with my friend and High 5 teammate Andrew Love today, as we were hiking up the Mill B trail in Big Cottonwood Canyon. He started by making some interesting points about the USA's problems in the Middle East. Andrew said, "It's not that Al Qaeda is wrong in the things for which they criticize America. They have a point. It's just that THEY OFFER NO ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION and will therefore never win over people's hearts and minds."
(Andrew? Are you trying to tell me something?) Yes. Actually, Andrew is challenging me to do more with this blog than just to spew rage and bitterness! As a friend, he is concerned that people who read The Protocol may not get the full picture; that my blog only gives a one-sided, angry view of me.
Like Al Qaeda complaining about some of the US's foreign policies, I know I make some good points about the problems within US Speedskating. No one will tell me I'm wrong to be upset because I was blackballed, or was used as a negative control in an overtraining experiment, or because of unnecessary financial hardships due to poor business decisions on the part of USS. But I know I seem to come off as very bitter and angry all of the time. Why is this, and how much is too much?
I guess I've sort of built my blogging persona as this "angry, funny, smart girl" who has to fight everyone for the right to the life she wants. This is my artistic expression. It is my creative outlet - with "outlet" being the key word!
Some people wonder how I can survive, carrying around so much rage. Won't it burn me up inside? Won't it have a negative effect on my competitions? I've actually found, over the past season, that my blogging and my race results seem to feed off each other. For some reason, I skate my best when I am being myself. And, perhaps unfortunately, I am motivated by my own rage.
I'll admit that many of my experiences in this sport have made me pretty cynical and negative- to the point where I almost always see the glass as half-empty. On my blog, I rarely talk about the positive things that happen, or the people who have helped me along the way.
Returning to the theme of terrorism: Back in January of 2001, when I crammed everything I owned into my little Pontiac and left my apartment in Monrovia, California, I really was a "conspiracy of one." Even my mom said so! I had no coaching situation set up, no idea where I'd be living, and the Utah Olympic Oval wasn't even open yet. I spent my first 3 weeks skating alone in Butte, Montana.
But this is no longer a conspiracy of one. Though my training situation has been far from ideal, I've met many people along the way without whom things would have been much harder. So I haven't had a great deal of support from my federation and haven't been able to find a sponsor; I did manage to have a reasonably flexible research job with Genta for just over 2 years. So it took me 4 tries to find a coach and program that work for me; I found them eventually, didn't I? I should be grateful for all the things that worked out, and for all the great friends I have made.
Is it true that, like Al Qaeda, I offer no alternative solutions, but only preach hate and destruction? First, I'd like to say that in a federation like USS, where so much is going wrong but they think they can just scab over the problems with the purity of the sport and the image of certain athletes, my over-the-top ranting may play a necessary role in bringing issues to the forefront. For example, after I talked about how Tom Cushman admitted to trashing the season of half our team for the purpose of data collection, USS was forced to re-evaluate how they use the data they collect on their athletes, agreeing that it should be used for the benefit of each individual's performance.
In other aspects of the sport, I think I have offered some alternative solutions. I suggested that US Speedskating should not be afraid of hiring a good, experienced marketing director and allowing them to make the amount of money that they're worth. This is a win-win situation. Andrew Love suggests looking at what is being done in other sports. For example, the US skeleton federation hired a good head hunter, told him he could make HALF OF WHAT HE FOUND FOR THEM, and he got them $5 million.
A lot of people agree that it was right for me to suggest that the FAST Program should look for sponsorship.
And, finally, my own team - High 5- intends to be a sort of "pilot program" that leads by example and shows the speedskating community what can be done by an outside, independent team. It's amazing to me that the catalyst for the starting of this team was the successful season that I was able to pull off last year after training with Boris Leikin.
So, am I really a terrorist? Andrew seems to be convinced that I can be a nice girl if I try...
I realize that there are things that happen to people in their lives that are far worse than what happened to me in speedskating. Is the whole issue just my inability to leave the past behind, or is it a little more complicated?
As I told Andrew today, "When I first left home to train for long track in 1993, I wanted to be Bonnie Blair. When I came back to the sport in 2001, I wanted to be a terrorist!" Something happened to make this good girl go bad.
To some extent, US Speedskating deserves to deal with the fallout of my rage, and to be held accountable for its actions. So many things remain the same within this organization, and I know this because I gave it another chance when I joined their National Allround Team in 2003.
As of today, I feel that my experience in speedskating is predominantly positive because of the truths I have uncovered through the obstacles that I have had to overcome. I've needed all of these years to see the situation clearly and to make judgments so that I could move forward. Helping to develop the High 5 team, rather than feeling like I'm forced to compromise by joining one of the existing programs, has allowed me to take control of my own destiny in this sport.
Somewhere along the way, I have made the transition from "terrorist" to "hopeless case" to a "REAL ATHLETE." I know this is true, but it doesn't always come out in my blog posts.
posted by Eva at 8:21 PM
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