Let's Talk About Failure:

We can talk about my failure to make the Olympic team, but we can also talk about USSPEEDSKATING's own failures throughout this past 4-year Olympic cycle.

I know that a lot of people are saying that through my failure to qualify for the 2006 Olympic Team, I failed to "back up my words." This has been used both by USSPEEDSKATING representatives to convince themselves that I'm really not a good speedskater, and also by a few well-meaning but misguided friends who thought that my fear of not backing up my words would be a good motivator before the Trials.

The way I see it, it is my FAILURE that backs up my words even more than my success would have! My own failure, combined with the failure of the US Women's Long Track team in Torino, both provided evidence of the same thing, and that is the rottenness of the USSPEEDSKATING system.

Most psychologists would agree that the hell USSPEEDSKATING made out of my speedskating career was not exactly conducive to excellence: Finding out I'd been used as a guinea pig, being denied access to a physical therapist two weeks before a World Cup event for which I'd qualified, and finding out that I was in fact entitled to the catered "National Team" meals (paid for by the USOC) but that I'd have to take USSPEEDSKATING to court in order to be allowed to eat them.

It was a constant fight, and I never understood it. I was an American speedskater too! And the whole time I was trying to compete for this country to the best of my ability, USSPEEDSKATING was trying to take everything possible away from me.

If I have failed because I barely missed qualifying for the 2006 Olympic Team, then TO WHOM should I justify my failure? To those responsible for producing the 2006 Olympic women's long track speedskating team? Look what YOU have produced, USSPEEDSKATING, and then ask yourselves if the thought, "Let's see if Rodansky can back up her words," has ever crossed your mind. Do you see how wrong that is? Do you see how it's all a part of the same failure and destruction?

Do you bastards comprehend that, in order for me to "back up my words," there came a point where I would have had to swim across the Atlantic Ocean with my speedskates in a waterproof bag strapped to my back, in order to be in Torino when your gutless little Princess Amy finked out of the Olympic 1500 meters?!?!

In my next few posts on The Protocol, I am going to talk about the origins of USSPEEDSKATING's failures, and the origins of the hateful toxicity with which they run this sport.

Through my own observations, and communication with others, I have found that there seems to be a small group at the top of the federation who protect each other despite their individual failures, so that despite the fact that each one has made repeated, glaring mistakes, they maintain power. It seems they cannot be knocked off this pedestal of power by the general membership of USSPEEDSKATING, because the members do not have a good means of communicating with each other (such as an online forum, or database of members' email addresses). Instead, the illusion of a democratic system is maintained through "allowing" us to vote for athlete reps, and other positions that, in my opinion, have not really had that much impact on the goals and direction of the federation.

I believe that if Mike Crowe, Katie Marquard, and Andy Gabel were employed by a company whose goal was to make a profit, then these three would no longer be employed by this company if they performed as they have in USSPEEDSKATING leadership roles.

Since we're on the topic of failure, and the topic of "failed" former athletes who become administrators keeps coming up, I'd like to say a few things about this. I feel that people who haven't had succes as athletes -- however they define it-- still have a chance to have a positive impact on their sport as coaches or administrators, but only if they consciously decide to do so.

I can't comment on Andy Gabel's speedskating career, other than to say that he's an Olympic medalist, which is pretty impressive if you ask me. But I can comment on his failures as USSPEEDSKATING President.

I can't comment on Katie Marquard's speedskating career, other than to say that she's been an Olympian, which is more than I can say for myself. But I can comment on her failures as USSPEEDSKATING Executive Director.

About Andy: I've been told that when some people in USS justified voting Andy in as president, they said this: "We knew Andy was an idiot, but we believed that because he had such a huge ego, he wouldn't let the federation fail." No, here's the truth about what happens when an idiot with an ego is in charge. It's not that he WILL NOT let things fail, but rather WHEN they fail, he will be unwilling to admit that he made a mistake, and will point his finger at other people and blame them for his own mistakes. Also, because this idiot has such a huge ego, he will be unwilling to ask other people for their ideas and for their help, even though others may be more knowledgeable and may actually be willing to help.

Andy Gabel has done a horrible job as USSPEEDSKATING president. He has spent frivolously, driving the federation severely into debt. Not only did he lie to sponsors and sign misleading contracts with them, but he had no idea of what to do to keep sponsors happy in the first place. He utterly torched his relationship with the athletes, most notably by grossly inflating the amount of money USS spends on each of its World Cup-level competitors and allowing this figure to get out to the media and to the sponsors. If most of us were honest about how this made us feel, it would have been something like this: "Andy, you fucker, I can't even feed myself and pay rent, and you're telling the world that USS is spending $75,000 a year on me, and that I'm going out and buying video games for myself."

Some people might ask me why I'm still involved in this sports politics battle. Of course, I'd like to make sure that the next generation of speedskaters has a better, more supportive environment in which to train, and if this happens as a result of the things I write, then that will make me happy. However, the main reason why I'm still doing this is a purely selfish desire TO MAKE USSPEEDSKATING PAY for making my speedskating career a living nightmare.

It breaks my heart that I cannot be a full-time speedskater. It breaks my heart that they sent girls to the Olympics who refused to race. I'd really like for some USS administrator with a conscience to stand up and say, in front of the entire assembly, "What you people did to that girl is deplorable." But what are the chances that somebody is going to do that?

My mom even said, "What they did to you -- it makes one want to go and thank them for their daughter's experience in speedskating." After my first week of work at the University of Utah, she told me, "I'm so proud of you. Any weaker person would have ended up institutionalized after what you've been through in speedskating."

But I know that the only one who can make USSPEEDSKATING pay for what they did to me, is me. The failures of the USSPEEDSKATING administration are real. So, what I'm going to do is to throw their own failures in their faces in front of the international speedskating community, until they realize once and for all that they have fucked with the wrong speedskater.