"Is It Taco Time Yet?"
For several reasons, it's predictable that I'd end up running the Salt Lake City Marathon this year. Since the race is coming up this weekend, I guess I should say a few random words of motivation and de-motivation about it.
1. Personal best time: 3:38, Detroit, 1997.
2. Time goal for Salt Lake City: 3:30
3. Charity: None. I suffer for DNA every day! Besides, wasn't my entire speedskating career one big Kamikaze mission on behalf of the Speedskating Justice League? (Hey, at least it worked!)
4. Injuries: A giant bloody blister named Ralph. He's gone now.
5. How I compare to other runners:
-Not nearly fast enough to make enemies, thank God!!!
-I can't even run one mile at the marathon race pace of the top women registered for this event...
...but if I'm not on pace to beat Oprah, then you should probably call for an ambulance.
6. Chance that the 2006 Salt Lake City Marathon will be more unpleasant than the 2006 Olympic Speedskating Trials: Slim to nonexistent.
7. For those unfamiliar with Salt Lake City's Olympic theme, "Light the Fire Within" does not mean you should eat a taco before your race.
8. The only way that Mexican food could possibly wreck my race: Getting hit by a runaway taco vendor cart on State Street.
9. Top 3 Offspring lines I would NOT sing to Dexter if he were running with me:
- "You're only feeling stronger 'cause your body's getting numb."
-"Burning out, strung along, now my sorrow is my song."
-"The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care."
10. One of my friends, who was inspired to register for the 5K run (her first race in several years) now says she feels "like a one-legged man signed up for an ass-kicking contest."
11. Though I tried to keep my marathon training a secret from my lab coworkers, they found out eventually. Fortunately, they're not exactly offended by their new technician's jock tendencies. In fact, a couple of them have said, "Now that you've cleaned up speedskating politics, will you try again for Vancouver?"
12. Reasons why running the marathon is better than speedskating at the Utah Olympic Oval:
-Being outside in the fresh air, instead of going around in circles like a gerbil in a cage.
-Chances are good you won't run into the kind of person who is afraid of a 2-minute speedskating race.
-Getting lost in a field of 10,000 runners.
-No full spandex clown suit!
-No sign above my head identifying me as the "Evil, Toxic, Subversive Speedskating Terrorist!"
And, the number one best reason why running the marathon is better than speedskating is: I DON'T HAVE TO PUT MY MP3 PLAYER AWAY BEFORE GOING TO THE STARTING LINE!
For several reasons, it's predictable that I'd end up running the Salt Lake City Marathon this year. Since the race is coming up this weekend, I guess I should say a few random words of motivation and de-motivation about it.
1. Personal best time: 3:38, Detroit, 1997.
2. Time goal for Salt Lake City: 3:30
3. Charity: None. I suffer for DNA every day! Besides, wasn't my entire speedskating career one big Kamikaze mission on behalf of the Speedskating Justice League? (Hey, at least it worked!)
4. Injuries: A giant bloody blister named Ralph. He's gone now.
5. How I compare to other runners:
-Not nearly fast enough to make enemies, thank God!!!
-I can't even run one mile at the marathon race pace of the top women registered for this event...
...but if I'm not on pace to beat Oprah, then you should probably call for an ambulance.
6. Chance that the 2006 Salt Lake City Marathon will be more unpleasant than the 2006 Olympic Speedskating Trials: Slim to nonexistent.
7. For those unfamiliar with Salt Lake City's Olympic theme, "Light the Fire Within" does not mean you should eat a taco before your race.
8. The only way that Mexican food could possibly wreck my race: Getting hit by a runaway taco vendor cart on State Street.
9. Top 3 Offspring lines I would NOT sing to Dexter if he were running with me:
- "You're only feeling stronger 'cause your body's getting numb."
-"Burning out, strung along, now my sorrow is my song."
-"The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care."
10. One of my friends, who was inspired to register for the 5K run (her first race in several years) now says she feels "like a one-legged man signed up for an ass-kicking contest."
11. Though I tried to keep my marathon training a secret from my lab coworkers, they found out eventually. Fortunately, they're not exactly offended by their new technician's jock tendencies. In fact, a couple of them have said, "Now that you've cleaned up speedskating politics, will you try again for Vancouver?"
12. Reasons why running the marathon is better than speedskating at the Utah Olympic Oval:
-Being outside in the fresh air, instead of going around in circles like a gerbil in a cage.
-Chances are good you won't run into the kind of person who is afraid of a 2-minute speedskating race.
-Getting lost in a field of 10,000 runners.
-No full spandex clown suit!
-No sign above my head identifying me as the "Evil, Toxic, Subversive Speedskating Terrorist!"
And, the number one best reason why running the marathon is better than speedskating is: I DON'T HAVE TO PUT MY MP3 PLAYER AWAY BEFORE GOING TO THE STARTING LINE!
posted by Eva at 8:30 AM
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